Not until yesterday did i realize i have been holding back. I honestly thought i was done, i had dealt with that part of my past.I had openly told myself you are forgiven for such mistakes, but yesterday when my new friend” kisses to you sweet” mentioned it, i sure knew i needed some time to analyze my feelings about that issue.
Its really something i avoided, every other mistake i have made in time past i scarcely hold back in sharing to whomever cared to listen, but yesterday when my friend went home, i began to replay this particular thing i did in the past in my head and i realized i was still ashamed of it, i didn’t want to be associated with it, i almost despise the experience. Of all the mistakes i have made, its the one thing i try not to acknowledge.
So i laid in bed after dinner, playing the scene in my head. How i had let myself be tempted, how i had flirted with the temptation, how i told my self a line wouldn’t be crossed, how when i eventually crossed that line i blamed it on being naive, on being young.
At that point i began to realize i was solely responsible for every action i took. i knew my left from right, i remember the voice of reason which came telling me to flee. I could remember how the more i ignored the voice the more it became faint, and eventually i couldn’t hear it anymore.I remember how i fell totally, but what i remember most especially was the way God saved me from the life i am sure i would have been living now.
A life i would have been disgusted with, a life i would have been trapped in, lost forever. even when God sought to save me from that ugliness, i wasn’t born again, but he just couldn’t let me get lost, even when i felt i wasn’t ready to be His. i remember how relieved i felt to be out, i knew it was only God who saved me but i denied him the Glory, yet he forgave me and gave me a fresh start.
so i get it now, am not that ugliness i so avoided, that ugliness is my past. and my friend shared her experience with me also, and i got to realize we are not our mistakes, that which we feel are mistakes are only unpleasant experiences, which has either shaped us to the good or bad person we are today. i really learn t a lot from my friend yesterday
Never be ashamed of your past, God has forgotten all about it. As i write this God probably doesn’t even know what am talking about and i love Him all the more for not keeping scores, for His perfect love..
So today i let go of every shame and ugliness i have felt, my past present and future are all working for my good.
I forgive myself and let go of every heaviness… thank you God for giving me the opportunity to deal with this.
you can do same, let go of every heaviness, forgive yourself and be free. i was reading the popular daily manner by Rev. Chris Kwakpovwe and he talked about the fact that not forgiving yourself for past mistakes indirectly means you are telling God he is a lair Jeremiah 31:34 states that He (God)forgives you and remembers your sins no more. thus because he has forgiven you he has chosen not to bring up your past failures or sins in a negative way.
The reality is that, what has happened has happened and you cant change it. your past is gone and must go forever.
I sincerely hope you do not give the devil power by letting him use guilt to prevent you from having total freedom…
Stay BeauTiful Always…..